The Girlfriend Application

The Girlfriend Application

Relationships require work. It involves labor. Physical labor. Emotional labor. Mental labor. Financial labor. Spiritual labor. You get the point, right? 

Like with most jobs, before you get hired, you must fill out an application and undergo an interview. Well, if relationships are jobs, why aren't people filling out applications and undergoing interviews? 

The Girlfriend Application is not merely a jab at the female gender. It is an application that every man should hand to any female of romantic interest. This application is supposed to deter arguing, bickering, financial debt, headaches, stress and everything else that accompanies a relationship with a woman that is not compatible. Although it lacks some important material that address elements such as emotional, financial, behavioral, and mental, overall, it is still is valuable. 

What are some of the highlights of this application? The applicant is forced to be informative. Immediately, she lets her potential companion know whether or not she has any children. Why is this imperative? Some men are no longer interested in dating women that have children. Personally, I met a woman that did not tell me she had a child until I asked and I need to know whether or not my potential mate has children or not.

In addition, the applicant is compelled to address her sex life. Is she sexually promiscuous? Why is this important? Her past determines your future. Do you really want a woman that has been around the neighborhood? I didn't think so. So if you meet a woman that has had 20 sex partners and she is only 25, a red flag should be thrown. Given the case if you're a man of quality and substance. Personally, I do not want a woman that has sucked a hundred expletive. Let's not forget to mention that she just might have a STD from her sexual promiscuity. 

My favorite? Does she work out? I love to exercise. I like to be fit and in shape. It's only fair that my companion is fit and in shape, too. Most guys just want a woman that has shape (i.e., hour glass, coke bottle) and not a woman that is in shape. So if you're the health and fitness kind of guy, this inquiry is very helpful.

Now of course every guy is different. Some guys don't even care if a woman has kids, if she's employed, or if she's in shape; as long as he can get a expletive, he is A-O-K. For those us that are looking for something more than just an ejaculation, a girlfriend application is a necessity. I suggest that you download, print, and use this application. Let that woman know that a relationship is a job! If she wants the position of girlfriend, she has to be the ideal candidate. She has to first fill out an application to see if she qualifies. Once she completes the application, the first date should be the interview.

What should the first date entail? Definitely not the traditional dinner and then a movie. I will have The First Date for you by tomorrow.

Special recognition to my boy Uncle Paulie for uploading this application to Facebook.